defying socialization

There is one ultimate truth that we all must accept. Just as we are born, we must also die. The first experience is not something we can concern ourselves with, but the second is different; it’s something which is always lurking out there in front of us. This is not meant to be a depressing statement. Rather it should be used for inspiration when the intricacies of life threaten to bury us under their combined weight.

In our lives we are faced with abundant choices that sometimes overwhelm us and cause us to overcomplicate our lives. We tend to forget that the real experience of life is to be found in living life for ourselves.

There are so many people out there lining up to tell us how we should live our lives. The government would like us to fulfill certain places in our society, managers tell us how to do our jobs, teachers tell us what we should learn, parents tell us what type of people we should be and the media tells us what we all should be.

Of course, life is never going to be easy. However, sometimes it’s good to appreciate life’s up and downs as this way you know that you’ve truly lived. What’s the fun in travelling on a roller coaster that travels straight ahead at the same speed with no bumps, turns or loops? I don’t know about you, but I love the roller coasters that scare the hell out of me, I want plenty of speed, tight bends, loop, turns and quick drops. By experiencing the extremes for myself I can directly feel the pain or joy that those experiences cause. Mediocrity is a terrifying prospect.

Taking the road less travelled is often thought to be a good philosophy to apply to life. For me though I say don’t take the road at all. Go to places that no one else has been, do things that no one else has done and take away memories that no one else can have. Don’t choose a life where you are defined by your possessions, your job or your social standing, choose a life of rich experiences, vivid memories and evocative stories.

I can be so contradictory at times. On hindsight, maybe it's the struggle that makes life so interesting.

too good to be true?

It's as much a blessing as a curse to know exactly what another person is really thinking or trying to do to you - despite attempts to make it seem otherwise. Sometimes it's really better to stay foolish and believe in the goodness of people.

making contact

I bought a new phone and while i was cleaning up my contacts, Lena, Thaddeus and Ben just came to view.

I'm often pretty astounded by what has happened in my life. Events, experiences, people. Especially the people.

People who were with me since I was born. People whom I've gotten to know since childhood days. People who have flew into my life and stuck by me when I was down and out. People who are meant to be passer-bys. People who have walked in and out and in an extraordinary turn of events, or by sheer destiny, appeared again.

People you know you would not want to lose. Such things you would never know. You can only believe everything happens for a reason.

Life and death is but part and parcel of life. When you are born into this world, the expectancy of death is already sealed. What matters is how you take it. What you do about it. What you learn from it. Death is something so interesting to me because I do not know what awaits after that.

Will I experience nothing at all? Will I know that I'm being buried six feet under or burned into ashes? Will I float through space as an invisible ghost? Or will there be a horrific Hell and a sorrowless Heaven?

But I already have a lot to handle in this life to constantly ruminate about death.

Getting reacquainted with people that I once shared good times with is often surreal but felicitous. Some people part because of irreconcilable differences. Some because of misunderstandings that are never cleared up. Most people just drifted apart because of life constant changes. They do not see a good enough reason to keep the relationship going anymore, especially with everyday's exhausting demands. So there ends friendships. i know I'm very guilty of that.

But the saddest thing is in knowing that you want to keep that friendship and you would have done anything to save it, but you didn't and you don't know why and it was terminated like that. Abandoned in the depths of the past but etched in ink on the pages of your yellowing journal. Whether it's an overnight or gradual process...

...But there is some relief in the knowledge that nobody is really lost unless he/she is gone from this world. Trust me on this.

The contacts shall remain...in memory always.

the bacon shops

It is all very strange. While I didn't think it possible to feel this way, I have stopped wanting to stage a workplace revolution. I guess I finally know this state of bureaucracy, corporate life, whatever you call it, is not for me. I mean, it's a great way to earn a living. Respectable, predictable (ok maybe not), manageable (ok maybe not again). In this sense, I am totally grateful for what I have. And that is why when duty calls, I still pay my dues and do what I'm supposed to.

But at the soul level (where it truly matters) it's like something inside of me has died and gone on to a better place. Better because activity-wise this is about as low as it gets for me. I'm at the base level. Nothing excites me about the job and despite what I may say, nothing about the job really brings me down. Some people bother me with their lack of integrity, authenticity, respect for other people, their refusal to take responsibility, etc. But not the job.

As far as this job is concerned, it's all about bringing home the bacon.

"Find a new job if it makes you feel so lousy!" It's always easy to say. Then I make a few half-hearted attempts. Then I stop. I have always felt guilty about what a lazy ass I am. That feeling sucked. Really sucked. It gnawed at me, day in day out. Until recently. It's not one of those "I wake up and I feel the world is new" moments. It's just a slow realisation that works its way through one's system: the reason why I am not desperately searching for a new job.

Firstly, I am not as terribly unhappy with my job as I would like to think. All things considered, there are plenty of worse situations to be in. But my tipping point is really knowing deep down that what I truly love to do (it goes by many names) is still beyond my reach as a full-time career option. And I felt lousy because I stopped doing what I love, telling myself that it can only be worthwhile if I can support myself financially doing it. That's the biggest lie ever told.

I used to think I can work up a passion for this tried and tested path of working for a big organisation, especially since it allows me to do a fair amount of exposure. But the truth is it doesn't work this way.

Passion comes from some place deeper and more mysterious. The most I can do for this job is to be responsible and earn my keep. And if that's the case, this job is as good as any other. Pure economic activity (pun intended). All I can say is that even at its best, jobs like this will never give me true joy. They may intellectually stimulate me if the leadership is good, but that isn't all I am about.

Besides, I'm not a coporate animal (never will be) and the environment will just stifle me. I already know that.

When I learn to stop expecting what I can never find in a place - and to appreciate it for what it gives me - I feel liberated. The truth does set you free. This doesn't mean I'm going to stop looking for my next bacon shop. But it means I'll feel a lot calmer about being in this bacon shop while I look, because one shop is pretty much like the next one as far as I'm concerned.

As for what I love to do, I can always start now. Why wait and find all sorts of excuses for myself?

What's so new abt social networking...

I'm reading about the reign of Facebook and it constantly amazes me how much stuff is going on around the world that I have absolutely no idea about. I need to get out more, even virtually.

The last social networking application i know was probably Friendster. Ok, maybe Second Life does count but that one has too much of an economic element. Then there was that Twitter nonsense which I checked out and crossed out.

I learnt about Facebook when it got bought out sometime back and the student who developed it made a huge killing (makes me wish I studied computer science). Now the cute little application that helps you stay in touch with friends and classmates has turned into a monster that is threatening to take over the Internet. All these e-fairytales stories - even the 30 mil buyout of Hotmail by Microsoft.

Well, if Slate.com is right, everyone should grab their unique userid on Facebook right now and forget about Google, Yahoo, MSN,what-have-yous. In some strange, distant, twisted way, I'm reminded of the battle between Blu-ray and HD-DVD. If there is a war of standards out there, there is a war online too. Only this is about which web application gives you the greatest social power and viral marketing capability.

But the most disturbing thing about social networking has to be this: class divide doesn't just happen in the physical world - it extends to online social networking sites too. Latest research shows that MySpace users are mostly "geeks, freaks or queers", while Facebook users "go to honours classes, look forward to prom nights and live in a world dictated by after-school activities".

When there was no Internet and we hung out more, we defined ourselves by what we wear; now that we are connected to the world via broadband, we define ourselves by what online portal we use.

Which leads me thinking abt what ingrid mentioned during new media ethics - it's so convenient to blame technology when there's something bigger at work.

Art, unlabelled

This is an absolutely fascinating article from the Washington Post. "Pearls Before Breakfast"

Basically, as part of a cultural experiment, the Washington Post got international violin virtuoso, Joshua Bell, to act as a busker at a metro station one busy morning.

The million dollar question - in such a banal setting, would people squeeze for time stop to listen to a world-class musician playing some of the most beautiful music ever written in human history? How many people really perceive talent and beauty without being told what it is? I have often wondered about that.

bureaucratic settings

On days that I'm given a reprieve from the office environment because of the courses i'm attending, i'm thankful. Even if it eats into my personal time. The office is getting too stuffy for me.

Really. The world is in the state it is today because people keep trying to solve complex problems using methods that are not suited for the nature of the issue. The results already tell them it doesn't work but well, human beings are really creatures of habit. Governments and big businesses are especially guilty of that charge. Complicated standard operating procedures and over-analysis are everyday examples of the oft-misplaced methods.

I remember reading in some cognitive science theory book that two or three years is the maximum one should spend in a highly bureaucratic setting. Any longer than that, your cognitive patterns become too deeply entrained and it's going to take you years - or for some, maybe a lifetime - to unlearn all the mind-numbingly rigid patterns.

Hint hint. No hint.

beauty of the world

I often feel overwhelmed by what the world offers us. To experience all that I want to experience in life I figure that I’ll require at least another two or three lifetimes. How can we cram everything in to just one life? While thinking on this issue I was reminded of a scene from the film, ‘American Beauty’ of a footage of a plastic bag dancing in the breeze.

‘It was one of those days when it’s a minute away from snowing and there’s this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that’s the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and… this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video’s a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember… and I need to remember… Sometimes there’s so much beauty in the world I feel like I can’t take it, like my heart’s going to cave in.’

This excerpt sums up exactly how I feel. There is so much beauty, so much goodness, and so much ‘life’ out there to explore that I sometimes feel like it’s all too much.

For instance, I have books, some which I have read, but a lot that I am yet to read. However in any given week I only have a small window of time which I can actually dedicate to reading. So the books I already own don’t get read as quickly as I would like. Adding to that all the books which I don’t own, that have been in circulation from the time when books began through to today, that means there are likely to be a lot more books out there which I’m sure I’d enjoy. Then I have to take into account all the books which are currently in the pipeline.

Where does this leave me? Well I feel like I’m fighting an uphill battle and will never have enough time to read all the great books out in the world. For instance say I read one book a week and I enjoy approximately 75 book reading years that means that in my lifetime I only have the capacity to read roughly 3,900 books.

Then there’s music. I have a pre-existing base of music which I like, but there are so many more artists out there who I am yet to discover or who are yet to start producing music. Then as my musical tastes change and grow, I open myself up to even more artists and once again I fall behind. Let's say it would be possible for me to listen to about 10 CDs a week. Once again if I estimate an average CD listening lifetime of 75 years, I would be able to listen to about 39,000 which seems fairly high, but given the number of CDs out there in the world, I’ll barely be able to make a dent.

Travel is also a bit of a concern. I often get the travelling itch but still haven’t had the opportunity to travel overseas. When I examine my future travel prospects it is all a little worrying. Say I get to travel to 2 destinations every year and that I have approximately 45 travel possible years in my life, that means that I’ll be able to only travel to about 90 places. Sure that seems like a few, but what if I want to go back to a few places? What if I have a long stay somewhere? This calculation does not bode well…I’ve really got to get on the road and get cracking.

Then there is the time needed to ponder all manner of other beautiful things in the world. Things like sunsets, patting dogs, sleeping in, eating, drinking, friends and family, competitions,mountain biking, learning music, wildlife, jeans, shoes and storms.

I won’t even begin to think about the number of films, music gigs and TV shows which I would be able to fit into one measly life. Especially considering time lost when you factor in sleep and work hours. It makes me think that I need to carefully consider how to best use every minute of my time and try to waste as little time as possible on inferior offerings.

Question. Where will we fit everything in? and another. Why bother?

greatness?

Yesterday, after a talk with the boss, I had many thoughts in my head during the ride home.

I stand on the edge of my past, looking out into the future. My path diverges at this point, and either road seems just as easy to go down, with varying outcomes, of course. The choice is not mine. My part in the choice was to take the path that got me here.

Actually, while planning out my possibilities, I also managed to slot in the opportunities that I was afforded so far. And I must say I am a rather lucky guy, if you believe in luck that is. Some people never get what I was lucky enough to have presented right in front of me. It could be such that some people never bothered to grab what was right in front of them too.

In any case, yes, I stand on the verge of 2 entities: greatness or indebtedness. I intend that I achieve the former of course, thus the planning. Sure, it can only bring me so far, and in the end, it's the action and eventual outcome that will show where I end up.

the master of none

Question: Is there a place for the intrinsic value of learning a skill—for example, playing hockey or the violin—even though you know you won’t be the best in the world?

Answer: Mastery is an addiction. Most people never master anything and never experience the thrill of being on the other side of the Dip. As a result, they don’t seek out new opportunities for mastery. I hope that as parents, we can do a better job of teaching kids this habit.

As for being “best in the world,” it doesn’t have to mean you play like Joshua Bell. The world can be whatever world your market chooses from. The best acupuncturist in town or the best $45 shoes ever made.

Of course there’s room for passion—for doing stuff because you love it. I hope that my book doesn’t dissuade a single person from playing the violin for love. But my book is about investment and effort, in doing things not just for the pleasure of doing them but because you expect something in return.

- Seth Godin

I thought this was quite apt for people my age. I know alot of friends that have stopped themselves from doing something because they deemed themselves too old to try it out. The thing they wanted to do is deemed a thing you do when you’re younger because your fingers are more nimble or that your brain was just more apt in learning stuff.

Whatever the case, it shouldn't be stopping anyone or you in not taking up what you desire. Sure enough we won't be masters in that aspect, but how many of us are masters in anything anyway?

So if you see yourself as truly enjoying it, go ahead, you’ll never know what doors might open for you when you do so. Maybe they aren’t the doors of mastery or true zen, but it might be doors to something better.

Anyway the whole article can be found here.

Principles of economics, translated

parallels

At first I thought it was funny, you know, just a funny clip showing how silly Americans can be. If I were put in that situation, where there's a camera in my face and I've to answer a question, I'd probably say something stupid too. And besides, the author's selective and trying to drive his point across.

But as I got further and further into the clip, I came to a different realisation - the bottom line is that Americans seem to have a very inside-looking worldview. The world revolves around them, and everyone better bow down or be made to submit. That's why there's so much trust in the government's decisions, that's why Bush can get re-elected for a 2nd term. It's all to to with this lack of awareness that's all.

Believe it or not, I think Singapore's headed that direction too. Though to a different degree. Singapore still depends very much on the outside world to survive. But people just need to get entrenched into a comfort zone, and if this zone happens to be very small and self-centred, then its going to be a them or us polarization before you know it. If it doesn't affect me, I don't care. If it starts to encrouch on my comfort zone, bomb it all and see what lives.

sense and senselessness

It's been quite some time. I have been busy.

I saw my previous post. Survival of the fittest? Who was i trying to kid? It was almost something crazy that took over me.

Too many volatile events. Too many lengthy thoughts. Rather hard to configure them into coherent reminiscence. Happiness. Warmth. Gratitude. Spontaneity. Desolation. Unconsciousness. Where do I place them in this pensive heart and mind of mine?

The heart and the brain smiles at each other...and then they disagree. Conflict and destruction. They resign helplessly.

Commencement was good. In fact, I have been good for a long while since the start of the year. And then unfortunate things just happen...like a bolt out of stunning blue, and they seem to happen continuously.

A mind capable of deep understanding can be very conflicted. A heart born of intense sensitivity can be very fragile. Put them together when one is morose and the other torn, you land in this state of convulsive delirium.

Imagine laughing and appreciating humour and the next moment, your face is buried in a pillow soaked in tears that doesn't seem to dry. Imagine knowing that you are so fortunate and truly appreciating life, and then not long after, thinking that you do not deserve such blessings and feeling apathetic to such goodness. The cycle repeats after itself. Exhausting becomes almost too shallow for a word.

I'm feeling pretty drugged out these days but I'm still cramming in work. Today was alright until I came home and realized my ezlink card is missing and I can't figure out how I could have misplaced it. It's not like knowing how and where you lost it. I searched like everywhere and it's nowhere. It's trivial yet perplexing. It vanished and it just doesn't make sense.

Everyday starts happy and it ends in despair. Interesting, isn't it?

In fact, nothing makes much sense right now so really, sleep is the best remedy.

On a side note, I've always enjoyed azure ray. Time i have them on an entry. You can ignore the video. This song speaks and i hope it speaks the way you want it to. Enjoy.

---

If You Fall by Azure Ray

Let's talk and we'll fill the air with imagery that lasts forever
So this is love that's a lovely thought
You have to care for it to keep it together

If you fall will you get up
You're stuck in a dream will you wake up
And if you fell in love will you hold on to it
And if it's cold will you stay warm
You drift too far will you swim towards the shore
And if you fell in love will you hold on to it

Lets just sing and we'll fill the air with melodies that blend together
You speak so sweet with words so delicate
A glass i hope will never shatter

If you fall will you get up
You're stuck in a dream will you wake up
And if you fell in love will you hold on to it
And if it's cold will you stay warm
You drift too far will you swim towards the shore
And if you fell in love will you hold on to it

survival of the fittest

Was just thinking of this on the bus home. Darwin once wrote about survival of the fittest, but I find myself wishing things were that simple. The old rules no longer apply. The new mantra does not stop at survival, the conqueror now strives to take all.

Of course, not every species aims for this new goal, but there is one species which has taken this creed to heart, helping to ensure that no other species has a chance to compete. I am of course referring to humans.

All species have the ultimate goal of reproducing, growing and colonising. In my opinion a fit species is one which is best able to exploit the boundaries and limitations of its environment without causing adverse impacts. These natural buffers tend to keep species from annihilating the planet with their sheer numbers. As humans no longer live within the natural environment we no longer see these natural barriers as something to stay within, for us they are something to be overcome.

Our intelligence has allowed us to strip forests, erode the land and kill all that stands in our way. Many of us can pretend that this has all been for the greater good. We can light up the sky with electricity, move ourselves around in our cars, enjoy a range of foods and return to a comfortable home at the end of a working day. However this is not the case for everyone. Throughout the world there are many examples of gross inequities which leave some people without freedom, without food or without a home.

As populations sure some have been extraordinarily successful. But as a species we have many populations which are just struggling to survive. As a species then we certainly cannot consider ourselves fit.

in memoriam

This is written in memory of a dear friend who just passed away. At this time of year when we spend time looking forward to the future, I think there is value in glancing backwards to remember and reflect on what has already come to pass.

Your life here was full and rich, but the other life beckoned, responding to something buried deep inside, the voices whispered 'freedom', and your soul would yield completely to the call.

You felt young. You felt reckless. You felt alive.

When the voices first started, you weren't sure how to react. Should you be excited? Should you be afraid? You wavered constantly somewhere between the two emotions. When you heard them, an energy would overtake you and it was as if you were acting outside of and beyond yourself.

They had always been with you, but they used to be buried deep inside. It had taken some time for their message to bubble to the surface and for you to really hear what they had to say. At first they spoke in whispers, their voices magically conjuring up images to fill your dreams and draw you to them.

The voices and the promises were intoxicating and you found your strength to resist them gradually fade away. At these times, the voices grew strong, until they were shouting, 'Run free, run, run to us….'. You found yourself powerless to ignore the call. Your body would respond of its own accord and you would run, hoping to catch the voices but they were too fast.

But on that day, you felt the time has finally come. You ran the last lap into the blistering wind, strongly drawing the fresh, crisp air deep down into your lungs. You wish you could convey that this is not the end for yourself, that this is only the start of a new journey. In time, the pain on this side will ease and a day will dawn fresh and new with the realisation that as one life ends, so another begins.

Sigh...You're solely missed by everyone in the squad.

evolution of a pothole

The days flow by so quickly, but my life does not feel like it’s being lived. Work is such a mind numbing experience that absorbs not only my time, but also my soul. For each hour spent with my attention diverted to someone else’s agenda; a little more of me slips away. I feel like I am fast approaching the time where I will disappear altogether.

In fact sometimes I feel that perhaps I am already dead, as I am seeing my life flashing by quickly (too quickly) before my eyes. I am ever conscious of the words of John Lennon, ‘Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans’. The trouble is I’m not making other plans, I feel like I’m stuck frozen in a moment and I’m powerless to stop life happening around me.

The work-life balance concept that is currently ‘hot’ corporate speak, is just that, a concept. Do the powers that be really think we are that naive? If work-life balance really were a genuine ideal which we could actually achieve, wouldn’t we see people working less at their ‘day’ jobs and enjoying more of their own time? Imagine that, the world could be filled with happy, more content people.

If work-life were truly in balance wouldn’t we all have a 50-50 split between the two parts of ourselves? This would best be represented by an adjustment in the time split between work and life. To achieve balance, weekends should be at least three days long and time spent at work should be pared back accordingly. That is the whole point of ‘balance’ - equilibrium between parts.

If I worked at something I enjoyed, my ‘work’ time would become part of my ‘life’ time and the separation between the two parts would not be so distinct. I guess this is really why I find the work-life balance concept so troubling. It is not just because we are being sold an ‘impossible’ dream, but because we are in a position to require the concept in the first place. Such a disturbing thought that there is need for us to separate our work from our lives in the first place. I refuse to believe that the two cannot happily coexist as one and the same.

We already have to be so many different people, split ourselves in so many different ways and fit so much into our days, isn’t work something we can draw back into ourselves? I know that bills need to be paid, dreams need to be followed, and therefore that money is necessary, but seeing that ‘work’ requires such a commitment of time out of our lives, surely we should at least try to find our true calling? Something that we enjoy? Is this in reality the impossible dream?

I sure hope not.

the formula

It is hard not to be impressed by how readily so much in life can be broken down into simple mathematical formulas. Take for instance the matter of work.

If work takes place in a negative environment (-) and I have a negative experience in attending said negative work place (-), the result is an overly negative one.

This can be shown by (-) + (-) = (-)

If work takes place in a negative environment (-) and I manage to have a positive experience in attending said negative work place (+), the result is neutral.

This can be shown by (-) + (+) = (0)

The same neutral result will be achieved if work takes place in a positive environment (+) and yet I have a negative experience in attending said positive work place (-), the result will once again be neutral.

This can be shown by (-) + (+) = (0)

The dream of course is to work within a positive work place (+) and a positive work experience (+), which would result in an overly positive situation.

This can be shown by (+) + (+) = (+)

…Now all that is left is to find out how to achieve the right solution.

Of course, the equations get more complicated as you add more variables or notice that one aspect outweighs another.

And my random thoughts makes me wonder why there are so many people who seem bent on making work a negative place.

What problems?

One colleague talked about how she just went through a meeting without getting due recognition for the work she did when her boss presented it. She was feeling upset and angry as all the hardwork went unnoticed to the rest of those present in the meeting.

Then at the pantry I overheard that a fellow colleague found out that his wife had a miscarriage even before they found out that she was pregnant. And in the night, i visited a friend's baby so sick that he had to be warded.

I guess that’s the story of many somehow or rather.

I don’t necessarily talk about my problems or what hardship I’m going through to the rest of the world (although i bitch about it on my blog sometimes). And even though the problem is big enough to validate some form of bitching, i just don’t tend to voice it out ever.

I think it’s become a habit for mine not to talk about my problems and what nots. Maybe at the back of my mind i just know that there are so many other people out there that have worse problems than i do.

I guess this comes with dealing with a serious problem and hearing other people complain about the little things.

Only then would you realise how shallow it sounds.

Oasis - Live Forever

I totally love how music transport me back to the time where i first listened to it. The challenges and predicaments, the problems and misery, the joy and sadness of the times where i thought would never pass by.

Listening to these songs made me realised what i’ve been through....sigh.

I'm listening to oasis, the band that got me hooked entirely upon them. And even though their new albums aren't up to scratch as the first 3. The evergreen of wonderwall, don't look back in anger, stand by me, champagne supernova are just the few that would follow me wherever i go.

So yeah, i'm actually burning a best of oasis cd just to put into play in the car. I think it would be one of the best cds i would ever listen.

I still want my ocean's eleven soundtrack.

The Killers - Read My Mind

I thought i always lived old school music. Like the late 80s and 90s kinda music. Though there have been some pretty good artists, i've never really been one to attach myself to a particular genre. But the recent wave of British indie rock music is pretty darn good!

Bands such as the Libertines, Babyshambles, Dirty Pretty Things, Artic Monkeys, Fratelis and the Killers have really made indie rock alot of happy chapters in my books.

Oh Britain Britain, what would we do without you?

moloko - the time is now

time misspent is time well spent

We are often told that life is too short to waste time, but I guess that all depends on your definition of what is meant by ‘wasted time’. In a world which espouses the idea of encouraging and accepting the individual we spend a lot of time in fact doing the opposite and encouraging conformity within certain accepted social ideals.

Many of us are told to do the right thing, work hard at school, head off to university and earn a good degree before we enter the workforce in a sensible and secure job. This is not going to be a story with a happy ending. All that is achieved by following this path is malcontent, disillusionment and unhappiness. The rest of your life is spent trying to quell a most cherished dream or trying to avoid the frustration and guilt associated with living a most miserable life.

Why do so many of us follow this path? Because we are sold the misguided dream that to achieve a happy life we must ‘put in the hard work’, aim for security, take practical choices…in short ‘suck it up’ for a while until we get to where we want to be. To spend our time pursuing such a path is simply not a logical ideal.

Surely life is too short to spend time working at something which has us swallowing our disappointment and trying to ignore the feelings of dissatisfaction which arise as we aim for an ever elusive ultimate goal of happiness. After all, our chances of actually reaching this goal at the end of an unhappy life is only a slim possibility and not a guarantee.

Shouldn’t happiness be something to pursue immediately, to capture in the moment and be at the forefront of our minds at all times? Or has the naive and impractical just taken over me for this post?

modern living

Obliviousness is the worst human quality and yet there is evidence of it all around us. It’s the person on the bus who insists on folding their newspaper in front of your face as they turn the pages, it’s the person who refuses to give an inch of space when you sit next to them on the train, and it’s in the way that we block out other people and concentrate only on our own problems. Perhaps the more ‘successful’ we become in society’s eyes, the more we lose contact with people around us.

Thankfully though all is not lost. It is still possible to find hope in the goodness of the human spirit in the most unlikely of places.

I am reminded of a scene I witnessed a few days back in taiwan. While standing there, I watched an old man rummaged the bins on the street of ximenting for leftovers, streaming ridden cups of drinks on himself for a quick public bath.

On another street, two men approached a nearby bin. Both men were obviously homeless and well acquainted with life on the streets. The older man had the appearance of an ageing rocker with his weathered face, stonewash jeans, old thongs and dirty shirt which hung loosely from his rakishly thin body. He gave the impression of being the leader in this two-man gang. His friend had a sadder aura, like the weight of the world was resting on his shoulders. Wearing old blue jeans and a shirt that had definitely seen better days, he wore no shoes and his dirty and damaged feet clearly showed the effects.

The first man began to sift through the rubbish in the bin while his friend waited to one side. Digging down through the surface layer of garbage the leader pulled out a not-quite-empty cup of takeaway milk tea. Drinking some of it, he then offered the rest to his friend who gratefully gulped it down. Watching them share that cup of milk tea restored some of my faith in the human race. I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a moving gesture of friendship and consideration as that which passed between the two men that day.

After drinking their tea, the men moved further down the street and onto another bin, no doubt to share in any further spoils they found. Does this event stand out in my mind because so many of us have become overly mean and self-obsessed?

Children are taught the importance of sharing and we try to instill in them feelings of compassion and hope, and yet so much in the world preaches the opposite. We are all so inwardly focussed and concerned with our own lives that we can quickly forget that other people struggle too and no doubt have similar problems to our own.

We fail to remember that we are all from the earth regardless of what country we are born in, who are parents are, what we eat, what we believe or what we end up doing with our lives. By turning our attention and energies a little more outwards, we would be in a better position to recognise our similarities rather than focus on our differences. It doesn’t take much effort to make a positive difference in the world - a smile, a touch, a kind thought, or perhaps even sharing a cup of tea from time to time is all that is required.

---

On a sidenote, some people predicted that i'll die from multiple organ dysfunction syndrome.

The checkup at Raffles Medical revealed that i'm in the pink of health. The only 'abnormality' is that my heart rate stands at 42/min.

So be rest assured, there's still more of efilsidas to go around...whether you like it or not.

musings on a plane

When they are born, children are handed a single white envelope, tightly sealed and filled with nothing more than the hopes, dreams and best wishes of their parents. They are told to guard this envelope well as it will one day open and reveal something important about their future. Starting out life clutched by small soft hands, you would expect the envelope to be lost.

Despite some envelopes travelling widely with their custodians, some envelopes becoming folded and worn, they are never lost. Envelope secrets are not shared even amongst the closest of friends. Their mysteries are proudly protected and deeply respected.

…And still the seal remains unbroken.

Over time this envelope fills with the memories of our heartbreaks, our successes, our failures, our loves, our losses and all the moments in between which come together to form a life.

…And still the seal remains unbroken.

In all that we do the envelope is there with us. Sometimes we may pause and reflect on all that it contains and the promise of what it will one day reveal. Without this envelope we would be nothing. As we grow, it grows.

…And still the seal remains unbroken.

Then one day something strange begins to happen, as fat and as full as the envelope has become, it starts to thin out little by little, day by day. Even though nothing seems to have changed, it continues to waste away. Eventually it becomes nothing more than what it was when it started…a single white envelope, tightly sealed and seemingly filled with nothing.

…And still the seal remains unbroken.

We soon realise that without us even noticing, something has most definitely changed. All those individual memories and moments, hopes and dreams that our envelopes once held can no longer be singled out. They have come together and formed part of us, becoming part of our collective experiences, becoming part of who we are. We have finally grown up.

…And still the seal remains unbroken.

It will happen one day unexpectedly. You may be returning home from work after a gruelling day, or relaxing with a smooth bottle of wine. Whatever the circumstances, it will happen. Your envelope seal will come unstuck and reveal the contents within.

'Your life is your own, everything is now within you.
Please dispose of this packaging thoughtfully.'

…And so the seal has broken.

Babyshambles - Beg, Steal or Borrow

And so Pete Doherty, who rose to fame in The Libertines decided to form Babyshambles since he wasn't allowed back into the band. Seriously, why beg steal or borrow?

That's Babyshambles for you. And they rock my day.

The Libertines

Initially i didn't like it when i first heard it while doing my occasional random listens. But afterawhile, reading up on him and his lyrics, i realised why people see him as a genius.

Alot of people portray Pete Doherty as the fucked up druggie who just fucks himself up and the people around him. But i see him as an person that no one understands and the media makes him out as a terrible person to sell more tabloids. Sure drugs isn't a good thing, but if he ain't raping or killing, that at least it's a lesser evil of some sort.

The great part about Libertines is actually what’s so bad about it. The fucked up nonchalant vocals and the messy melodic tunes. In this day in age, everyone is trying to be perfect. The tonality, the pitch and so on, American idol is one great example of it. But Pete Doherty goes against the norm. He’s fucked up singing reminds me of the early 90s, the forgotten ones like Nirvana, Smashing Pumpkins and Oasis just wanting to be heard.

Just a brief intro to the first song on the playlist which is the youtube video. You got to watch the video to understand it. It’s the first song from the Libertines 2nd album where trouble was already brewing between Carl Barat and Pete Doherty. Pete has been on drugs and failing to attempt to show up for gigs and practices, it's been so bad that one day Pete actually goes and bulgar Carl’s house. Carl has been threatening Pete that if he doesn't clean up, he will get kicked out from the band. And the first song, is actually all about that, its actually a conversation between Carl and Pete, which you can see in the video.

Can’t Stand Me Now

An ending fitting for the start
You twist and tore our love apart
Your light fingers threw the dark
That shattered the lamp and into darkness cast us…

--> this part is about the current situation, how its actually probably the end already, also the lamp is actually talking about the time when Pete went to break into Carl’s house.

No, you’ve got it the wrong way round
You shut me up and blamed it on the brown
Cornered the boy, kicked out at the world… the world kicked back
Alot fuckin’ harder…

--> This Pete saying that Carl is blaming on his drug habits and how he’s taking the grunt of it.

If you wanna try, if you wanna try There’s no worse you could do (oh oh oh)
I know you lie (I know you lie)
I’m still in love with you (oh oh oh)
Can’t take me anywhere (I’ll take you anywhere)
Can’t take me anywhere (I can’t take you anywhere)
I’ll take you anywhere you wanna go

No, you can’t stand me now, no you can’t stand me now
No, you can’t stand me now, no you can’t stand me now
No, you can’t stand me now, no you can’t stand me now
No, you can’t stand me now, no you can’t stand me now

Have we enough to keep it together?
Or do we just keep on pretending (and hope our luck is never ending)… oh
You tried to pull the wool, I wasn’t feeling too clever
And you take all that they’re lending
Until you needed mending…

--> i felt this was the saddest part in the song, the part where he says do we keep on pretending, and hope our luck is never ending.

If you wanna try
If you wanna try
There’s no worse you could do (oh oh oh)

I know you lie
All you do is make me cry
All those words that ain’t true

Can’t take me anywhere (can’t take you anywhere)
Can’t take me anywhere (wouldn’t take you anywhere)
I’ll take you anywhere you wanna go

No, you can’t stand me now, no you can’t stand me now
No, you can’t stand me now, no you can’t stand me now
No, you can’t stand me now, no you can’t stand me now
No, you can’t stand me now, no you can’t stand me now

You can see from the lyrics, and the way both Carl and Pete sings it, it's actually quite painful. That's another reason why i love the Libertines.

the tough ones

Recently there has been an issue about the way i conversed, the things i say, and the way it affects people. Sure enough it has angered people and hurt my love ones especially.

Then these past few days ive been doing abit of soul searching. Thinking whether there is something wrong in that. I guess it does come across unintentionally on my part since no body really understands me, or that my ways arent the societal norms.

Even with this in mind, knowing that my techniques might not be right, i’m still weighed down by my own predicament or maybe my own undeniable stance on things. Though at times it does come across as pressuring and forcing my views on others, it does boils down to this point:

Who is going to ask the tough questions?

In this world where gray often crosses between black and white, i believe that it's now even more than ever that we need to face reality and answer those questions. Sure enough our world is too complicated and messed up that black and white don’t exist anymore, but we still need to be asked those questions to get closer to that elusive fine line.

testing, testing

The rest of the test can be seen here.

It reminds me of one of my favorite Calvin and Hobbes strips, which can be viewed online thanks to the blatantly-copyright-violating Calvin and Hobbes Extensive Strip Search. (The rest of the site is worth checking out as well, if you're a fan.)

(For those of you who appreciate good DHTML, it also happens to be an extremely well done site. For example, try right-clicking at least in IE.)

mercy

He that spares the bad injures the good - Thomas Fuller

As I read A C Grayling's The Meaning of Things: Applying Philosophy to Life, I have come to realise that everyday concepts such as mercy, courage, death, sorrow, among many others, are actually very profound concepts. Having scoffed at philosophy, how dense and block-headed I am, as a subject for people living in their own 'airy-fairy' worlds, Grayling’s book has given me a hint of what philosophy is about and how it can relate to daily-life concepts.

Before Grayling's book, Jostein Gardner’s Sophie's World was the only other book which I have read on, or about, philosophy. In the strictest sense, Gardner's work is more of an fiction offering since the premise of the novel is about using a story, and a very good one at that, to teach the reader about, the somewhat misunderstood, subject of philosophy. On the other hand, Grayling's work comes across as more mainstream in that it explores the meaning of everyday concepts through a philosopher's looking glass.

Written in a easy to read, yet thought evoking style, Meaning of Things is a gift to the layman, like me, hoping to understand what philosophy is all about. For neandarthals like myself, it represets the first flicker of flame that has just engulfed the tinder of the mind's campfire. I remember someone telling me once that "Darkness is the absence of light". I am so glad that there's finally a glimmer of light shedding some meaning on the life I am living.

One theme or chapter which caught my eye was the one on Mercy.

According to the Collins English Dictionary for Advanced Learners, the meaning of mercy is "… if someone in authority shows mercy, they choose not to harm someone they have power over, or they forgive someone they have the right to punish".

Having been brought up learning the importance of justice, fairness and equity, mercy did not feature high in my list of values or virtues. You can hear me saying "That guy deserves to be hanged for so-and-so (usually murder, or some other heinous infractions) crime". My black and white view of justice allows for little or no mercy for "evil-doers". If a person breaks the law, that person should know the consequences. The person’s right to clemency has been revoked upon the commission of the act.

Sometimes I am left bewildered by the light, which to me is - strange, sentencing meted out by our judges on criminals who deserved harsher punishment. Despite the explanations, I find it hard that anything can be highlighted as reasons for mitigation in view of the crime committed. A deep sense of indignation and disappointment would wash over me whenever a criminal manages to reduce the original sentencing to a lighter punishment. "Why are these people let off so lightly? This ain’t fair. They deserved to be punished." Thoughts like these will run through my mind.

The a-ha, or the 7-Habit perspective changing moment, came when I read Grayling’s take on mercy. He explained that while mercy is prompted by sympathy and compassion, it is not those virtues per se. The meaning of mercy is close to its dictionary meaning. I guess my understanding of mercy has been mixed up with the word merciful, a word which appears regularly in all mainstream religions.

According to the same dictionary, merciful means "if you describe God or a person in a position of authority as merciful, you mean that they show kindness and forgiveness to people".

Note the similarity in both the meanings of mercy and merciful in the dictionary. Somewhat alike, yet fundamentally different. Grayling’s was able to show the subtle difference between being merciful, with its attendant emphasis on kindness and forgiveness, and mercy, which is simply the act of withholding the punishment from a person who is deserving of it. With this, I understood that our view of this virtue is very much shaped by the religious context, whether Christian, Buddhist or Islamic, which we live in. Ingrid's teachings on ethics seem to resurface again.

The simple two page discussion of mercy in Grayling’s book opened my eyes to my oft self-perceived lack of mercy. Often seeing myself as a cold-hearted, "black or white", person, I realised that I can be merciful at times. Merciful not in the divine way, but in the way I handled people in life.

Upon reflection, an activity which I am rather poor in, I realised that I can actually be quite a merciful person contrary to popular belief that i'm usually cold and heartless. As I recall all the times when I was in a position to punish a person for a poor piece of work or lousy attitude at work, I would always give the person a second, and sometimes a third or fourth chance. A mix of empathy, sympathy and a light dose of kindness are the elements which shaped my decision(s) to be "merciful".

Mercy is also evident in our daily life. We are shown mercy by people in positions of authority, be it bosses, parents, relatives, government officials, everyday. We may not see it as such, but mercy has been shown. The same reasoning applies to the so-called ‘nasty’ bosses when they stick by the book and over-punish us for minor infractions. Basically, these people have chosen not to show us mercy. Instead, these people are actually cruel. As Grayling puts it, "To punish a malefactor more severely than he deserves is cruel".

The world just needs a little more love, and mercy too.

ambition vs satisfaction

How far do you wanna chase for a dream that keeps getting away when you can find some measure of satisfaction in what already is in front of you?

Someone told me once that he didn't want to hold out for a possibly better catch cos he already had something he could be happy with. Maybe he was immature then, and materialism that pervades even the ranks of our esteemed government hadn't yet sunk in till now.

Where do you want to go? How far do you wanna reach? What are you doing to get there?

Insecurity is a tricky subject. Better to rid yourself of any possibility of it than live with the prospect of having your insecurities come to life.

digital love by daft punk

pressure

It’s not about how hard you can hit.

It’s about how hard you can get hit, how much you can take, and keep moving forward.
That’s how winning is done.

Rocky Balboa

I thrive under pressure. In fact i thrive under alot of pressure. I'm not necessarily talking about my school work, though it does take some beating from pressure itself.

In my life, i've never taken the safe route, at times i subject myself to certain circumstances that my parents would dearly frown upon. That's because they think that we got things in life to do, and we must try to do those things well without having external factors weighing us down. I do agree with them - do not let unimportant things affect us.

However, if i never took the less traveled route and not constantly fuck myself up, i doubt i would be the person i am right now. And being the person i am right now somehow pleases me. I know i'm not the person everyone wants to be with, or some celebrity but rather i'm at peace with myself. And it’s been a long time since i'm at peace.

A couple of weeks ago in training, i was under alot of pressure, almost on the verge of quitting but when the blow came, i triumphed. Hopefully these days have not been a fluke but a testament to my will.

This is seriously a classic example of when effort and persistence actually do pays off, after many set backs and fuck ups. Carpe diem.

At first it seemed rather odd to me that an article should be titled "Banality of Heroism". To me it's such an oxymoron. Well, after reading it, I could see the writer's point. But I still don't believe heroism can ever be banal - that someone made a heroic choice, however small in the scheme of things, is something extraordinary. If heroism could be banal, well, it wouldn't quite be heroism.

Still, an excellent piece well worth reading.

2006 US Open of mountain biking downhill race mtb

Those people are my age...-_-"...i'm so past my prime.

Nice XC track with really interesting DH section

those nostalgic falls and tumbles...

GREENMAN DOWN (2005) MOUNTAIN BIKE RACE

It's been a long time...

fortunate

Sometimes i feel that my blog is an area that lacks self defense. what do i mean by that? People can read my blog, read what are my thoughts, my evaluations on certain things and place certain judgment on me. Or they believe that while i'm vague on certain things they think they know what i'm talking about. It is quite scary in this manner.

So those readers out there, there is no way that this blog is comprehensive. Or that your assumptions are true. You would never know unless u ask from me.

During our training today, our PRC coach gave us a motivational speech and i want to quote him.

“If you think you are unfortunate, just look around you, there is always someone more richer, more smarter, more beautiful, but think of this

You are 1 in 100 to enter the uni

You are 1 in 4 million to enter this team and

You are 1 in 100 million to experience this sport”

Of course i was thinking what in the world he was blabbering about becuase it didn't really make much sense but my mind was already thinking about ways to rebute that claim (or what he was really trying to say) and whether we are fortunate, but i resisted since i'm supposed to be thinking positively. But yes, thinking positively, everyone is more fortunate in more than one way or the other. We or rather in our own perspective always try and judge our position to those around us. It's like tackling the whole world against us/me. So please don't tackle the world.

The sperm story. Remember, even before you were born, you were already a winner. your genes from your dad was the winning sperm throughout the other few million others. So thank yourself for being able to live on this world, be able to see beautiful things, listen to beautiful music, taste delicious food and smell our earthly delights.

On a sidenote, does that mean that everyone is a swimmer by nature?

charting the plan of life

The little things in life does seem more achievable when you have a closer target to reach, then slowly working upwards towards bigger things.

But the toughest part is the starting point where you find that first small step to take.

Where is the direction you should be heading to? How much bigger should your next step be?

You don’t want to find yourself walking in the wrong direction after a couple of years, and you don’t want to bite off more than you can chew as well. So how do you start off in the right way?

Unfortunately the blueprint is easy for anyone to perceive, but it isn’t as easy to build up on top of that blueprint to get a complete structure of your entire life. You can’t leave out any parts, as that would leave empty segments in your life. You can’t have too much of one thing, because there needs to be a balance in everything.

Life’s just quite hard to make right, isn’t it? Somehow somewhere, something would be lacking. How many of us have everything and are truly contented with it all?

Count your blessings, peeps. And move on to bigger and better things. Contentment helps you stay happy, but always realise that life isn’t a constant, so you have to move on together with it as the time comes. All that is easy for me to say as well, but I’m learning.

And hopefully, so far so good.

illusions

1 day after i submited my thesis.

I'm feeling like my life didn't happen at all. Or maybe it did and then somewhere along the way, I vanished and somebody else took over. The disappearings and the manifestations. This whole ridiculously twisted magic show.

How would I feel if I realized that this had all been a dream? I wouldn't call it a nightmare but its definately been a tad too overwhelming. And hence surreal. Would I be splashed with a cold shower of relief? But then it would also mean taking away all the good memories, and it'll mean obliterating any reminscence of all the happiness, gratitude and peace I've ever felt. Honestly, I don't know.

the end

So I'm back in hall after two days of work rushing (Thanks dear). In fact, lying on my turquoise bedsheet covered bed, rubbing my feet and reflecting on recent events has never felt so blissful in a long while.

Speaking of turquoise, the mood has been like a chameleon. One week can span like an entire Nippon colour chart. However, it has been pretty stable because time was only spent thinking about work, doing it and meeting deadlines. It is nothing major. Yet I feel a tiny sense of accomplishment at getting something done and most of all, getting a hold of myself despite last week's events.

That is one good thing about busy. You have no time to think about anything else and even if the mind is compulsive, it is conscious about being responsible and significant. The advantage of being a perfectionist is that when I'm focused, I will make sure the job is done as meticulously as possible. The bad part is, I never feel that it is my best. Surely, I can do much more and with such expectations comes more pressure on its heels.

I just submitted draft 6. The end is near.

running

After a mini prep talk with Paul concerning my current lack of enthusiasm for life. He asked me a simple question:

Have you been jogging?

After of which he told me the whole rhetorical co-relation with jogging and the day after the jog. The blood flowing would be pumping throughout your day he said. This will make you look forward to your day. He also mentioned how jogging solves everything. Though to some it may sound like utter bullshit, but when you’re a runner it makes total sense. To me at least.

I used to have problems i couldnt deal with, i still have problems i cannot deal with, but the difference was, last time i would go for a long hard jog when i couldn’t take it no more. Jogging puts you in a totally different dimension, it brings you to that inner state of mind where nothing else matters except finishing. When you start jogging and you’re a runner, there is only one sole purpose, to finish the run, and in order to do so you disregard the fact whether it’s hot, raining, there’s a dog in your path or if someone is watching you. It’s a state where the small little tiny gritty details ceased to exists. And when you have problems, you tend to focus on the minute detail as opposed to the bigger picture.

While he said that enthusiasm comes with running, thinking about it throughout the night, i couldn't help but agree. In life, our main purpose is to achieve. We look back at achievements done in the past to determine the standard of life we’ve been living. And if we could create mini-achievements that require more than just waking up from bed or sitting infront of the television for 12 straight hours we determine our current state of life fulfilling.

Anyway to cut all the philosophical bullshit about running.

I woke up after a 3 hour sleep to go running.

After a 2 week break from training, i thought it would be impossible to be anywhere where i was before. But 2 weeks is a good respite and i felt the energy flowing to the tributaries again. While running i felt that though my legs were comfortable my heart couldn’t take it… Something is going terribly wrong with my body, even my elbow hurts sometimes. Maybe its the computer repetitive shit…

But anyway, one of the best feelings in the world is to take a shower after a long hard run, walking out feeling totally refreshed!

So?

In the midst of assignments, softwares, responsibilites.

You sit down alone on your desk while listening to The Blues, with the chorus that goes

It’ll be a day like this one
When the world caves in

And you think to yourself… So what now?

Seriously Terminal

Since the year started out on such a grim note, my subsequent entries has also been rather serious and humourless. With the semester winding down, at times it seems like there’s seldom anything light hearted to blog about. Makes me sound like a sour dour old man.

Well I am really not sour nor dour. Maybe a bit on the old side, but what the hell. Life’s too short to really take everything too seriously. Things comes and go, in the end what does it matter, right. Vanities of vanities indeed.

Anyway, I’ve have made it a point to squeeze every last bit of fun and enjoyment out of this before everyone goes their separate ways. Matters not if we ever get to work together again, just have to make the time count and leave the rest to take care of itself. No point feeling sad or sorry, might miss something good happening in the process. In the end I want to leave on a high note. And looking at the time now, it's high indeed.

I hear birds chirping again. Damnit.

i don't see dead people

Today I've learnt that when some people claim to have the third eye or the ability to see spirits, they maybe be sufferers of a disease called the Charles Bonnet’s Syndrome. According to a report in our papers, 4 out of 1077 Singaporeans suffers from this disease. The disease causes the sufferers to see and experience complex visual hallucinations ranging from ghosts to buildings and other objects. So I guess the kid in the Sixth Sense could have been suffering from the Charles Bonnet’s Syndrome.

So all this really leads to a very interesting question- when people claim to have seen ghosts, are they really encounters with the supernatural, an overactive imagination, hallucinations, mental illness or a little known and obscure medical condition? So next time I see so-called dirty things, screw the bomoh, I am seeing a doctor.

And speaking of doctors, have anyone ever realise that they don’t really do much at all? Most of the time, they give you medication that makes you so sleepy you forget how miserable you feel. Other than that, they don’t do jack. In case no one notices, they can’t cure the common cold, they don’t know what causes migraine, they can’t cure baldness without it affecting your libido and they still don’t know what to do with acne. As with most diseases, what they can do is give you stuff to make the disease bearable, but never the complete cure. I am begining to lose faith in western medicine.

aaarrrghh

No baby bonus for single unwed mothers: MCYS

This is crap. Come on Singapore. Surely you can do better than this?

trying to be worldly

What better way to be worldly than to be at the UN general assembly

I’ve decided to be worldly.

How you ask me? Simple, stop reading only channelnewsasia news. I’ve recently subscribed to New York Times and International Herald Tribune. Been reading New York Times for quite some time now. Just subscribed to International Herald Tribune recently. International Herald Tribune as oppose to New York times have different sections in their feeds which i find quite useful, since i get to decide what news i want to hear. Like I don't want to hear anymore American news, but news like dining, travel, asia-pacific, lifestyle, commentary and editorial.

It’s quite actually interesting to see what is deemed news by the different sources of information. Like how i always lament to my fellow tv-watcher about how some silly news actually manage to make their way to the local prime time slot. I feel like i'm robbed something else i need to know. While some sources have more focus on a certain issue, the other has another focus on something else.

Then you also get a different prespective as well, professional journalism at its best huh? You think...

And then you start thinking, if news sources of this calibre can afford to offer news free of charge over the rss feed, how come Straits Times cannot do the same? How to create more readers when other more internationally recognised news sources are offering their services for free. Stupid subscription services will do more harm than good in the long run and seriously, sometimes news on ST is crap. It's like asking youngsters to pay for use of soccer fields when soccer fields should be allowed to be played without any cost.

identity...identity?

A lecture i 'gatecrashed' today was talking about postmodernism and how it's through material goods which we create our identity and/or characteristics. It was a stats class fyi. The lecturer gave examples such as the policeman (played by Tong Leung) in Chung Kung Express that was identified by always eating salad at the takeaway restuarant.

On the bus ride back hall just now, i couldn't help but feel disturbed and pondered on what he said. I was thinking of all the identities around me and realised that it's through our material goods which create ‘who we are’.

Take for example the rocker who wears skinny jeans and white converse sneaker. Or the athlete that wears Adidas compared to Nike because they feel they’re edgier and so on. Or the driver who drives a vintage Mini Cooper. Or the Mac Evangelist who believes that everything Mac is the way to go.

I don't dispute the fact that beneath all these material goods, there exists a fully fledge culture that most people are clearly proud of. Take for example the rocker, its the music. Or the Mac, it's the creative bunch.

The question i pose is “Would it be possible to create an identity without material goods?”

From the looks of it, it’s seems bleak. I always remembered what i used to think when someone told me never to judge a person by their looks. To them my reply is that 'most people live up to their looks.'

If we create our identity through material goods what are the consequences then? It seems almost harmless that through buying the newest MacBook or Nike sneakers creates who we are.

The harm comes in the form of consumerism.

If we create our identity through material goods, we then constantly need to succumb to consumerism in order to furnish our identity. That's like the whole objective of a virtual world i'm observing - Habbohotel. Players keep buying furni (items) to decorate their virtual rooms to create their own themes. Our whole purpose in life then is to attain that big bungalow down at 6th avenue, that Ferrari Modena, the Tag Heuer watch and the platinum credit cards in order to create our identity.

The problem is that most people believe that through material goods, we can create our identity. The reality is far from it.

I think places like Singapore and Hong Kong are probably the worst hit areas as they do not have a solid identity due to their lack of history as nations. It's probably why in recent surveys that Singapore and Hong Kong are the top 2 countries with the most shoppers. Maybe Singaporeans and Hong Kong citizens do not have an identity and hence require to supplement it through material items. If happiness is an indication of whether material goods as an identity is alright, then research has shown that poorer countries tend to have a higher level of happiness compared to those who are economically superior.

While this is all very worrying, its difficult not to live without our cars, stereos, fashion and so on. The challenge that faces us is ‘Are we capable of creating an identity that that is not in tandem with our material goods?’

Think about the olden days where there wasn't globalization, a true identity and culture could flourish even though material goods still created their identity.

Maybe the real question is, ‘Can we stop resist globalisation in creating and preserving our own culture?’

Like what SM LKY finally admitted last semster regarding Singaporean identity. He said that Singapore would have a hard time in creating our own unique identity due to globalisation and technology. However, if he realises that we create our identity through material goods, he could turn us into Cuba and therefore globalization would not occur. Or he could fully support local talents and creatives to be free and march on to a search on identity. Hmm...big talk again.

Anyway jus to sidetrack....300 opens 8th march! I love sin city. Hope 300 would be just as good.

Check out trailer one and two. Check out the graphics...especially the sea.

Tonight we die in hell. Hell yeah.

howl's moving castle

My late nights usually end with me lying on the bed watching snippets of Howl’s Moving Castle in the darkness of my room. After Spirited Away, I have to admit, expectations was somewhat raised. Unfortunately, I came out of the movie rather disappointed. The story was disjointed and the ending seems forced and rushed. Since, I have never read the original story, I’m not sure if it came from the author or Miyazaki himself. I guess even geniuses will lay an egg every once in awhile.

Then again, I should consider finishing the show in a shot.

Some ppl asked why i haven't blogged in ages. Harlow...it's been only 5 days.