i love swords

The past week has been pretty significant in some sense. After going through a hazy and doubts-riddled fortnight, at least I've arrived at some conclusion. The conundrum is momentarily resolved as for now but I'll have to deal with the imminent consequences. Well, at least now the mental torment is not so intense, I get to shift the spotlight to other aspects of my life, particularly people I care about. I got to meet up with a couple of "long-lost" friends and the irony, is that I've been the one long lost.

Well, I guess sometimes I get too caught up in my own problems, it becomes only me myself and I in my own world. Then when I take a step back for a breather, I realize life is not only about yourself, but the people around you. They want to be included in your world and vice versa. It's also during difficult times you get to acknowledge your loved ones and genuine friends you have and see through the colours of those fair weather ones. And I think I'm blessed enough to be surrounded by the former and not have to encounter the hypocrisy of the latter - recently.

It's great to know that besides having to deal with the mundanity and banalities of everyday, especially when you find everything slipping from your fingers, stripped to the bare, there's still intangible aspects such as friendship, kinship, love, compassion to "hold" on to. And you do realize (again) that ultimately it's not the events that make your life happening, it's the people.

And also I guess there's two ways about everything. Christmas as a fantastic excuse for capitalistic consumerism vs christmas as a joyous occasion for get-togethers and celebrating the birth of of Jesus (Gosh...Do ppl still know anything abt that? You don't have to be a christian to know about this. Strange feeling to see biblical history reduced to caricatures displayed to win the best deco competitions.)

Ah well, another day gone. Waiting for the next long weekend and the big day. Meanwhile, it's back to studying air cargo flows for the next 4 days.

One day...

I'll get to ride these waves.

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Home sweet home

I'm becoming tis homebody. In the past, I'll be enthusiastically ready to go out and paint the town red at this hour. Fast forward to the present. I'm just contented to chill at home. In a week, I've passed invitations to 2 suppers, 4 overnight cycling trips (!!! sorry shannon and guys, don't make me feel bad about it), 1 clubbing (guess you don't know me well enough to even attempt to invite me)...I guess this week, I'm just content to chill at home. Do what? Like just chill, play some fm and enjoy the weather. I didn't even worry about not having dinner at home. And being home alone? That makes the whole idea even better.

Maybe I'm just getting old...

"...the great person is one who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude" - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sleep in Smithereens

There is something awfully magnificent about a heavy downpour in the middle of the night. Or should I say in the wee hours of the morning - like now. In the midst of the quietude of sleeping population across the darkened land, a marathon of raindrops suddenly erupts from the plethoric nimbuses and disrupts the slumbering earth outside. I'm safe in the enclosure of my room listening to the vocals of chage and aska, yet just outside the glass planes, streaks of lightening and rumbles of thunder occur incessantly. And how many night owls actually get to experience such serenity simultaneously with such tumultuous weather? Maybe some get awaken by the roaring thunder and noisy raindrops but most will probably return to dreamland. To hear the near yet distant ruckus happening just outside my window but within the snug confines of my bedroom in the solitude of the night, the rubbing of feet against the bedsheet, all is such eccentric peace indeed. ZZZzzz...

And then I awake quite early the next morning and when afternoon comes, there's always this witching hour that casts a heavy sleeping spell on me especially when all the energy starts to focus on a particular organ after lunch. Then just as absurdly as I collapse into comatose state, I awake abruptly refreshed and alert. And the vicious cycle just repeats itself. So much for healthy lifestyle...

Waiting to exhale

Time is running along too fast...it's tiring to play catch-up all the time. We take in too much air along with all the pollutants and we forget to exhale. As a result we've become highly strung, brainwashed individuals in a merciless fast-paced society. This train will eventually collide into something or break down. It is only a matter of time. And so...we need to learn to breathe properly to stay on track.

Exams are gone as fast as it came, like a tornado inciting the atmosphere and then churning away all visible traces of it. It leaves a slightly nostalgic feeling of yet another significant event passed. One that would have to wait til next year to experience all over again, albeit in a more jaded or mellowed perspective, depending on the way you chose to peek through the telescope. Like what i always say...life can be just phases at times.

I feel that I've been swept away by this turbulence, for a moment, it felt like I was living in the same world as yours. The seemingly normal but ridiciously contorted world that I originated from. Who has the true rights to decide what is normal and what is not anyway? For all I know, I could be delusional. I'm quite sure I'm in denial. For the past few weeks, even months, I've been trying to convince myself to be happy. That I have alot of things others don't have and that I should be grateful, which I truly am. Scintillating stories which I might convert into words if my mood and time permits. But admist all the transient elation and short outbursts of energy, I feel rather empty. The root of this hollowness stems from a growing sadness that has gnawed away my soul bit by bit and is now affecting my physique and stamina. And now that the 'festivities' has died down and my schedule is found wanting, I feel lost. It's a paradox that I feel void and yet, there is this heaviness in the heart.

The passion and dedication people give to their work, an aspect sorely lacking in the disenchanted younger generation (that includes me). People have the potential to be the unheralded models of humanity, living their lives in a delicate and determined manner enheartened by their ability to appreciate the simple and finer things in life.

It makes me ponder, who are the really fortunate ones?

So you see, every single day does bring about its own little teachings about life. If you are willing to reflect and ruminate upon them. Most people are too caught up with their hectic routines to bother. How I wish I could write a book about all these people. People who go by unnoticed in this condescending society but actually lead interesting lives unknown to themselves. They hold onto their own little triumphs with much dignity. Everyone has their own stories to tell.

I'm just..... waiting to exhale.

Don’t really like forwards, but once in a while, a good forward does turn up, this is one of them.

Horror gripped the heart of a World War-I soldier, as he saw his life long friend fall in battle. Caught in a trench with continuous gunfire whizzing over his head, the soldier asked his Lieutenant if he could go out into the man’s land between the trenches to bring his fallen comrade back.

“You can go,” said the Lieutenant, “but I don’t think it will be worth it. Your friend is probably dead and you may throw your life away.”

The Lieutenant’s words fell on deaf ears. Miraculously, he managed to reach his friend, hoisted him onto his shoulder and brought him back to their company’s trench. As the two of them tumbled in together to the bottom of the trench, the officer checked the wounded soldier, then looked kindly at his friend.

“I told you it wouldn’t be worth it,” he said. “Your friend is dead and you are mortally wounded.”

“It was worth it, Sir,” said the soldier.

“What do you mean by worth it?” responded the Lieutenant. “Your friend is dead.”

“Yes Sir,” the private answered, ” but it was worth it because when I got to him, he was still alive and I had the satisfaction of hearing him say….”Jim… I knew you’d come.”

Many times in life, whether a thing is worth doing or not, really depends on how u look at it. Take up all your courage and do something your heart tells you to do so that you may not regret not doing it later in your life…

This is a true story.

Even if it wasn't a true story, it is quite remarkable itself, to actually see things in a different prespective.

I guess most people that read this would definitely focus on Jim hearing his friend saying those last 4 words. But seriously, on Jim’s part, he did not let his friend down and he let the hope of his dying friend alive, even though he might have suffered the same fate.

How many people these days can truly say that they would do illogical things for the sake of their friends? To actually go out of their conveniences/comfort zone into unmarked terrorities that welcomes first timers and old birds alike with an alarming red sign tht screams WARNING?

Sadly, not many.

So what we have here are (im over generalising of course) few friends that are nuts. And these few friends are usually the same friends in a certain clique. There may be 5 of them, and all would give the world to each other (or almost), knowing for the fact that the others would do the same (or almost as well).

I'm driving at the point that, these days, there are FEW people out there that would do things for another human being that would not definitely reap in benefits one way or another. I don't know, the way i see it now is that, most people do things for a reason. They expect something in return i guess. or rather like i said above, they would only do it, if it's in their convenience and maybe to their advantage.

Sad period to live in huh?

I’ve been thinking about this issue in the past week. On the topic of friends as well, maybe i just met a whole lot of people recently. Btw, i don't really have trouble with my current group of friends. I'm not sad, and neither am i brooding. It may seem like i am, but i'm not. I just think it off the top of my head and blog when i feel like it.

This part about making new friends. I'm too, at fault here of course.

It's always hard to make new friends, make new close friends. That's because most of us already have been moulded into what we are, have our certain cliques, and different interests.

Basically, i would sum this up by saying we have our own specific practices.

Practices in the sense that.. an example would be if we have different cliques. For me, i have my cycling clique, my hall clique, my cnm clique and maybe my rock climbing clique. Between these 4 different cliques are different sets of practices.

There might be a different style of communication, dress code and less superficially, understanding or commitments between one another.

What's the problem here you might be asking. It's not that difficult to adapt other practices. To tell you the truth, it's quite difficult. Humans are a bunch of arrogant individuals (sweeping statement again). We find it hard to accept most practices other than our own. To put it simply, if we don't truly believe in our own practices of friendship, would there still a relationship involved and why would we still be friends? The picture kind of forming? I hope…

New people we meet have their own sets of practices. Their own set of standard procedures between two individuals. That's why they say that it's always harder to make friends the older we get, our character has been somewhat solidified and less malleable in nature.

The different practices however, doesn't mean that their intentions are not there. New people would think that your style is off the record if seen in bad light. But intentions are most important because they are the face behind the mask. The same heart that beats inside the different flesh.

An example would be, I usually plan most of my outings just a day ahead of schedule. I don't plan like going to watch a movie sometime next week. Some people would think i'm disorganised. i would think of those people that need to plan things way in advance as boring people. Of course that's just an extreme example but you get the picture.

Well nothing in particular i'm rambling about. Just aimless banter as usual. Last day of week 1 of internship. 11 more days to go. My employers are so going to learn not to employ interns during this festive season...31 decdays minus 8xwkends minus 3xpublic hols minus 1xleave. That leaves me with 19 days to start with. I hope there's an intangible takeaway from this.

Running...all in the mind

There are times when i suddenly feel the urge to run. Usually, that happens at the unearthly hours of the night, making it impossible to run especially when im back in my humble tampines estate. If only i lived in a place with a gym and a threadmill, that might be an option.

Today must be a special day. I have just finished my internship at 8 today and though feeling pretty worn out, I suddenly felt the urge to run. I don't know whether it was the stupid reminiscing about the visualisations I once did during my pre-competition on the bus or realising that this triathlete i saw was even closer than i thought.

Whatever the reason was, i took out my running gear and hit the park. Nothing like a weds evening run.

Initially my hamstrings felt kind of tight and my left sole felt abit sore, i stopped, and started walking back to home. I thought to myself what a loser i was. I then decided to might as well jog back. While jogging, i made a decision to turn back to the track and continue my run. I ran at a steady speed that tire me out by the time it was the last stretch. For the first time in a long time i didn't stop half way, and when i finally stopped, the familiar feelings and emotions came rushing back.

Ok, the whole truth is, it's all part of my vivid imagination. I didn't go running. I was too tired. But come on, give me some credit for my excellent visualisations (I win every race in my head - what's virtual and real afterall?). I really should drag my sorry ass out there and start running again. :(

inspiration

'He projected himself into the future, when he was eighty years old and reflecting on the choices he had made in his life. ‘I knew that when I was eighty there was no chance that I would regret having walked away from my 1994 Wall Street bonus in the middle of the year. I wouldn’t even have remembered that. But i did think there was a chance that I might regret significantly not participating in this thing called the Internet, that I believed passionately in. I also knew that if I had tried and failed, I wouldn’t regret that. So, once I thought about it that way, it became incredibly easy to make that decision.'

This is a quote out of a book by Robert Spector on Amazon’s founder Jeff Bezo before he quit his high paying prestigious job at a Wall Street firm and started on Amazon.

I quoted this down because a few people i know have been questioning their paths in life. Which road should they take and so on. I believe in Bezo’s statement. You got to look into the future and see whether you will regret the decision. Surprisingly, alot of decisions that you might regret now, you won’t regret in the future.

Personal liability

When you bitch about something and the other party replies with an answer like

Don’t worry about the future man, your time will come.

I’m wondering whether we can personally hold them liable for that statement they’ve made.