pigeon-holes

One of the most difficult things in life is understanding that some things are beyond our understanding.

But accepting ignorance with an optimistic view is as good as glossing everything.

Let's just put a label on it so we can make some rational sense out of it, the human brain hates the unknown. And so we label things to comprehend it all.

Can we?

We can't. So laughter and tears must be there to get out what words aren't capable of...

jean jean

It's almost inevitable that the moment we are promised hotter and drier weather that it starts to pour heavily.

Perhaps we only take note of contradictions - I'm reading an obituary for Jean Baudrillard.

Since I have to spend long periods of time utterly bored, I might as well document these mindless moments. This is where I would like to say something thought provoking about hyper-reality, blogging and the mundanity, but the rain is stopping.

aleksander hemon

It ends on the home key. The mysterious ending of Nowhere Man has an air of familiarity, motifs recurring but unexplained, even words: tenebrous, stertorous - who uses these words? And definitely not twice...

Sometimes, it isn't clear who is narrating until much later, but I don't feel disturbed. More of an explicable contentment.

unmoment

It passes quietly without the slightest recognition, like flying through a cloud, the possibility of a momentous epiphany thinning into the banality of a taxi ride.

Instead of relief, there is a slight tiredness as if the waiting had long dispersed the excitement. And I am trying to imagine a dramatic scene to make up for the sense of detachedness.

My ear is bleeding a little. How did that happen? I can still hear things but I feel somewhere between possible paranoia (a half-imagined warm wetness in the left ear and visions of stoic bravery towards deafness, Beethoven) and complacency.

I'm still waiting, I guess, waiting for that moment of truth.

time is never time at all

My reading material is mounting up. Nevertheless, I couldn't pass up on 2 copies of Alexandar Hemon's novels (Nowhere Man and The Lazarus Project). Inevitably, they will not be there on my next visit to the library. Borrowing books on impulse are some of the few irresponsible things I can afford.

That is why I squeeze in reading the Economist while playing toileting. Supposedly, a diet of emotionally neutral articles helps to pass the tedious task of mindless practice. Although, the financial meltdown is anything but dull, not to mention the infuriating antics of Hugo Chavez, Robert Mugabe, Putin... (The world is full of injustice - yes, sorry, an understatement).

This should be a time of freedom and possibilities, ideally, but I have managed to work out a routine of endless little chores, almost without realizing it. Just going through a small of part of the list takes up a better part of the morning and it gets late for lunch before I know it.

Yet, all that energy feels diffused and undirected; afternoons are perfect for sleeping, caressing sunshine, poetic atmosphere. The nap ends with a slight aching stiffness and the evening is filled with cacophony of anxious birds.

The end of the day comes so soon and I haven't even touched the books I've bought or borrowed.

memory game

I was chatting with an old acquaintance recently – and I realized just how much of my past is now just a complete blur.

I mean, there are things that I remember vividly, and then there are things I’ve little to zero recollection of. And it gets rather unsettling when folks from your past starting telling stories that sound just like… stories. They furnish details that seem plausible, even right; but I just don’t remember a shred.

And that’s starting to scare me a little. Maybe I’m losing my mind.

Our Lady Peace - Naveed/Life

Oh, Life is waiting for you
So messed up, but we're alive
Oh, Life is waiting for you
So messed up, but we'll survive

intepretations

You Are A Lily

You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist. People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you. You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words. Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize.

What Flower Are You?

How true is this? I always feel that I don’t know how to show my concern for others, even though I can feel their pain and unhappiness. I can’t find the right words without sounding corny and cliche.

I am not someone who’s entirely comfortable with physical displays of affection even towards those closest to me. But I think my friends all understand and know that this is just how I am.

It doesn’t mean that I don’t care, just that I am very bad at expressing it.

rain

It’s been raining quite alot these few days. I don’t like the inconveniences that the rain brings, but when i am snug and warm at home with a cup of hot tea, I like to gaze at the rainy scene outdoors.

Some people get depressed by the rain but i kind of like the coolness that it brings, and the feeling after the rain.

It’s like everything is scrubbed clean and washed anew. A nice smell to the air too.

hope

At which point does the flicker of hope extinguishes itself? Does it ever go off completely?

We need hope to keep us going - hope that world peace can happen one day, hope that we can love one another without discrimination, hope that after all the hurt faced today, tomorrow, surely, must be better.

We need hope to remind ourselves that miracles do happen, and have faith that our names are on the list.

Moby - Natural Blues

Duran Duran - Ordinary World