"Someone with no regrets is someone with no inner inkling that he can do better. He cannot recognise his mistakes and remains attached to them, because he can't see anything better ahead, and so asks himself why he should give up what he has."

- Cardinal Martini, in an open lettter to Umberto Eco

Simple does it

Someone mentioned that she heard the Chinese version of the Da Chang Jin song (I call it the lulala song) over the radio today. Basically it's about a little girl thinking about her parents and wondering where they are. I guess it gives new meaning when you watch certain scenes. But somehow, without understanding the meaning, the music already evokes a particular mood without one having to interpret the Korean lyrics. Which is better, in my view. Sometimes I just want to soak up emotions wordlessly.

I've been thinking about returning to a simpler way of living. Less mechanic, more organic. I wonder if it's possible, after one gets so used to the pampered life (modern life is pampered, however you see it). I sometimes deliberately stay away from the computer so that I don't develop unnecessary reliance on it but sad to say, all attempts have been futile. The same goes with television. Thing is, I love playing computer games, watching TV, movies stuff like that. But I just find that my life has too many distractions as it is already. Why am I seeking out more?

I actually long to take a break. Not in a particular sense, like from school or anything mundane like that. But more to regain perspective and clarity. I'm a 'retreat' kind of person. I believe in taking nice leisurely walks, going with the natural rhythm of things, steering clear of life's artificialities (includes certain people and behaviour), etc. I like quiet moments of reflection, when I don't need to grapple with anything external but all my attention is focused inward. What wears me down fastest is for me to spend time with people I'm not familiar with and yet have to keep forcing conversation. It's terrible. I would rather walk away and be seen as antisocial. Why can't people be more natural and less affected?

More and more, I find that good conversation is not easy to come by. People must be willing to express their real views unguardedly and invest full attention in another person's views. At least to me, that's when a exchange takes place. It's a mutually enriching experience if the right people are involved.

Truly, good company and good conversation are some of the best things in life. Just a notch below romance, I would say...right darryl? ;)

Happy 23rd birthday dear. :)

think not

Transformers

I think the Transformers songwriters really hit the nail on the head with their lyrics: "Transformers - more than meets the eye". This pretty much sums up my understanding of people nowadays. For better or worse.

Everyone, to some degree, is a transformer.

It used to shake me up badly to learn that people I thought I know are actually not as nice as they appear. Now I'm more surprised to to find out that people are more or less what they appear to be. And I'd feel really lucky to even have the opportunity to know such a person (because there are that few of them). If this is growing up, it's a pretty sobering process.

Yesterday, as I was talking to some people, I realised how much of an effort people put into managing perceptions. I think it's human nature to want to look good (beyond its literal meaning), but it also made me question, how much of what we are observing in other people is real? Everything is about projection, which to me is bordering on pretending to be somebody else. Do these people know themselves anymore?

Parallels with multiple selves that i blogged aeons ago.

What is it about growing up that makes us no longer acceptable just as who we are, that we must put on a front?

The Joys of Life

I'll do away with the 'hey im back.' after a one year hiatus. For those who still visit this site relentlessly and complain that my online profile is inanimate, here's the 2006 virgin post and a pretty little pic i made. And apologies that you've got to catch me in such a lousy mood.

Recent days got me in a pensive mood. I think. I think. and I think about the joys of life from a rider’s perspective.

It’s not the big things that define what life is. There’re too few and far between. They come and are soon gone. Be it a sensitive lover, or a wonderful parent. For me, it’s the little things: like a smile meant just for me, my work rewarded by simple thanks, or just… the perfect ride.

It’s in the quick spurts of power (aka pleasure) through the responsiveness of twisting the gears and getting rewarded by sheer mechanical power: power that you can control in and out of a beautiful bend. The exhilaration of being close to the ground beneath that just rushes by. The quick flick of the eye to reaffirm the speedo is at a respectable point. Feeling one’s body precariously hanging off the growling, road-devouring beast, all the while almost touching the passing asphalt.

It’s not the showing off, for no one but your machine knows what you’ve been up to. It’s not the ego-boost, for everyone feels he’s better than another. No, it’s just the holistic feeling of being in total control on that excruciatingly perfect lean of any long deep corner - anywhere.

By and by, such moments get reduced. They come in and impose odd restrictions and limiters on your machine. They develop new-fangled products to keep you in check. They constantly redefine the imposed system of control. “Lead a mundane life, be a loyal and obedient servant.” You will be fine/fined if you follow these tenets. Clones: is that why they make creativity an essential module for our poor young? And yet they limit you to walking speeds and expect adventurous, risk-taking entrepreneurs? Perhaps they should reconsider this positively (negative) repressive approach.

Our joys get blacked-out and tossed into the past. What about the irresponsible and the criminal? Why shoot-down the lone wolf? His life is his own, is it not? His is not to run with the pack.

They take away the joys of life, and leave us with nothing. Soon, we’ll not only be told how to be courteous, but also how to start smiling again—for soon dreariness shall set in, and the right to one’s happiness… revoked.

When that day comes, I shall look for a sure means of flight. Cut the strings that bind me and carry on flying to my own. I want to keep my little joys always. Fight the power. Don’t let yours get taken away.