in memoriam

This is written in memory of a dear friend who just passed away. At this time of year when we spend time looking forward to the future, I think there is value in glancing backwards to remember and reflect on what has already come to pass.

Your life here was full and rich, but the other life beckoned, responding to something buried deep inside, the voices whispered 'freedom', and your soul would yield completely to the call.

You felt young. You felt reckless. You felt alive.

When the voices first started, you weren't sure how to react. Should you be excited? Should you be afraid? You wavered constantly somewhere between the two emotions. When you heard them, an energy would overtake you and it was as if you were acting outside of and beyond yourself.

They had always been with you, but they used to be buried deep inside. It had taken some time for their message to bubble to the surface and for you to really hear what they had to say. At first they spoke in whispers, their voices magically conjuring up images to fill your dreams and draw you to them.

The voices and the promises were intoxicating and you found your strength to resist them gradually fade away. At these times, the voices grew strong, until they were shouting, 'Run free, run, run to us….'. You found yourself powerless to ignore the call. Your body would respond of its own accord and you would run, hoping to catch the voices but they were too fast.

But on that day, you felt the time has finally come. You ran the last lap into the blistering wind, strongly drawing the fresh, crisp air deep down into your lungs. You wish you could convey that this is not the end for yourself, that this is only the start of a new journey. In time, the pain on this side will ease and a day will dawn fresh and new with the realisation that as one life ends, so another begins.

Sigh...You're solely missed by everyone in the squad.

evolution of a pothole

The days flow by so quickly, but my life does not feel like it’s being lived. Work is such a mind numbing experience that absorbs not only my time, but also my soul. For each hour spent with my attention diverted to someone else’s agenda; a little more of me slips away. I feel like I am fast approaching the time where I will disappear altogether.

In fact sometimes I feel that perhaps I am already dead, as I am seeing my life flashing by quickly (too quickly) before my eyes. I am ever conscious of the words of John Lennon, ‘Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans’. The trouble is I’m not making other plans, I feel like I’m stuck frozen in a moment and I’m powerless to stop life happening around me.

The work-life balance concept that is currently ‘hot’ corporate speak, is just that, a concept. Do the powers that be really think we are that naive? If work-life balance really were a genuine ideal which we could actually achieve, wouldn’t we see people working less at their ‘day’ jobs and enjoying more of their own time? Imagine that, the world could be filled with happy, more content people.

If work-life were truly in balance wouldn’t we all have a 50-50 split between the two parts of ourselves? This would best be represented by an adjustment in the time split between work and life. To achieve balance, weekends should be at least three days long and time spent at work should be pared back accordingly. That is the whole point of ‘balance’ - equilibrium between parts.

If I worked at something I enjoyed, my ‘work’ time would become part of my ‘life’ time and the separation between the two parts would not be so distinct. I guess this is really why I find the work-life balance concept so troubling. It is not just because we are being sold an ‘impossible’ dream, but because we are in a position to require the concept in the first place. Such a disturbing thought that there is need for us to separate our work from our lives in the first place. I refuse to believe that the two cannot happily coexist as one and the same.

We already have to be so many different people, split ourselves in so many different ways and fit so much into our days, isn’t work something we can draw back into ourselves? I know that bills need to be paid, dreams need to be followed, and therefore that money is necessary, but seeing that ‘work’ requires such a commitment of time out of our lives, surely we should at least try to find our true calling? Something that we enjoy? Is this in reality the impossible dream?

I sure hope not.

the formula

It is hard not to be impressed by how readily so much in life can be broken down into simple mathematical formulas. Take for instance the matter of work.

If work takes place in a negative environment (-) and I have a negative experience in attending said negative work place (-), the result is an overly negative one.

This can be shown by (-) + (-) = (-)

If work takes place in a negative environment (-) and I manage to have a positive experience in attending said negative work place (+), the result is neutral.

This can be shown by (-) + (+) = (0)

The same neutral result will be achieved if work takes place in a positive environment (+) and yet I have a negative experience in attending said positive work place (-), the result will once again be neutral.

This can be shown by (-) + (+) = (0)

The dream of course is to work within a positive work place (+) and a positive work experience (+), which would result in an overly positive situation.

This can be shown by (+) + (+) = (+)

…Now all that is left is to find out how to achieve the right solution.

Of course, the equations get more complicated as you add more variables or notice that one aspect outweighs another.

And my random thoughts makes me wonder why there are so many people who seem bent on making work a negative place.

What problems?

One colleague talked about how she just went through a meeting without getting due recognition for the work she did when her boss presented it. She was feeling upset and angry as all the hardwork went unnoticed to the rest of those present in the meeting.

Then at the pantry I overheard that a fellow colleague found out that his wife had a miscarriage even before they found out that she was pregnant. And in the night, i visited a friend's baby so sick that he had to be warded.

I guess that’s the story of many somehow or rather.

I don’t necessarily talk about my problems or what hardship I’m going through to the rest of the world (although i bitch about it on my blog sometimes). And even though the problem is big enough to validate some form of bitching, i just don’t tend to voice it out ever.

I think it’s become a habit for mine not to talk about my problems and what nots. Maybe at the back of my mind i just know that there are so many other people out there that have worse problems than i do.

I guess this comes with dealing with a serious problem and hearing other people complain about the little things.

Only then would you realise how shallow it sounds.

Oasis - Live Forever

I totally love how music transport me back to the time where i first listened to it. The challenges and predicaments, the problems and misery, the joy and sadness of the times where i thought would never pass by.

Listening to these songs made me realised what i’ve been through....sigh.

I'm listening to oasis, the band that got me hooked entirely upon them. And even though their new albums aren't up to scratch as the first 3. The evergreen of wonderwall, don't look back in anger, stand by me, champagne supernova are just the few that would follow me wherever i go.

So yeah, i'm actually burning a best of oasis cd just to put into play in the car. I think it would be one of the best cds i would ever listen.

I still want my ocean's eleven soundtrack.

The Killers - Read My Mind

I thought i always lived old school music. Like the late 80s and 90s kinda music. Though there have been some pretty good artists, i've never really been one to attach myself to a particular genre. But the recent wave of British indie rock music is pretty darn good!

Bands such as the Libertines, Babyshambles, Dirty Pretty Things, Artic Monkeys, Fratelis and the Killers have really made indie rock alot of happy chapters in my books.

Oh Britain Britain, what would we do without you?