in the dark

A week has never felt so long.

Increasingly i am starting to feel that being dependable means that (alot) more is expected of you. Being trusted means you pick up the pieces that others have haphazardly thrown and then having to piece them together quickly and accurately. Not drawing lines means that the circle around you grows wider and wider.

I don't want to forget the end in mind, and what this means to us collectively, or more selfishly, perhaps, what it means to me personally.

I don't want this to be just another job – watching the clock, getting through the day. I’ve been through that before and it is really not where i want to end up again.

I don't want to lose the determination, passion and pride in what i am doing. But disappointingly, i feel that i am losing sight.

(20 x 5) / 4 (- 23) = ?

The thing about mistakes? Even if you know it is a mistake, sometimes you gotta make them anyway so that you can look back and say for sure that it was a mistake.

Do we have to keep making mistakes, just so that we can say for sure it was one? What does that prove – that we have lived a full life? That we have gone forth courageously, trusting our instincts and if those turned out to be wrong, well, we tried?

The more intelligent thing to do is to make sure that you don’t make the same mistakes again. Yes, life is about taking calculated risks but please make sure that your math is up to mark first.

As I chew on my waffle …

Someone said to me today – why are most of your blog entries so melancholic? Where got – I said automatically, but the moment the words were uttered, I knew that I wasn’t gonna win the argument.

Ok, so my posts tend to border on the pensive sort. That’s because being reflective is quite the default mode for me although I can also be full of rubbish and nonsense too.

Nature or nurture, I don’t really know but I do recall that even when I was young, I was quite the loner, and prefer my own company to being part of the crowd.

Of course I can be sociable and I don’t really have problems talking to people – I wouldn’t be in this line if I am not. But too much of it tires me and time to be alone with my thoughts, emotions and dreams, is very important to me.

With all these reflections, there must be some form of outlet. I am not an expressive person and all these years, holding back how I feel seemed like second nature to me. I think I have improved though, and being slightly better with the written word, came the birth of this blog, where I dump all those swirling thoughts in my head.

But as little markers remind me daily to count my blessings, perhaps I should make an effort to inject a little more frivolity and fun in my posts. I do have a lot to be thankful for in my little waffle of life – all the little squares representing different things may not be filled evenly or to the brim with maple syrup, but it is how big or small a bite I choose to take to make sure that every mouthful is still tinged with some sweetness.